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HAUNTED HALLOWEEN NIGHT TRAIL Hares: Whacked My Wood & Huffing Ariel’s FartBubbles When: 6:30 circle-up / 7-ish the hares scurry off into the darkness like the damned they are. Where this shitty trail lurks: 9835 East Way Drive, Semmes AL 36575 Shiggy rating: A precise, scientifically measured 0.69. Just enough to make you question your life choices, not enough to require a full exorcism…probably. What’s required (no exceptions, no whining, no “but I didn’t know”): • Trail sneakers • Cranium gear or a working flashlight (the things lurking in the darkness will eat the unprepared) • Full Halloween costume (half-assed efforts will be mocked in circle) • Your trail guide (more on this cursed companion below) Special Instructions for the Spawn: Kids are welcome… but this trail is ADULTS ONLY. If you bring the little demons, you must leave a responsible adult behind to take them trick-or-treating in the neighborhood while the rest of the pack disappears into the trees. Because out there? Something is hunting. And it’s NOT just hounds hunting the the hares. Be prepared for a Haunted Halloween Night trail. This is an A-to-A. You start where you finish… if you finish. Wear your best costumes. Get ready for ghosts, ghouls, games, mild psychological torment, and the distinct possibility that the forest is judging you. Along trail you will need to find your trail guide. You will certainly perish—ah, I mean get hopelessly lost—without this important companion. Your guide will bark directions at you. Your guide will referee the ghastly games. Your guide holds the thin, fraying thread between you and eternal wandering in the Alabama woods. Listen carefully… or all will be lost… including your souls. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! IF you survive, there will be beer, a warm meal from a real witch’s cauldron, and a bonfire. IF you don’t… well, at least you went out looking fabulous.